this was the opposite of my friend, Cat, today
My friends got married today.*
I don't know if I believe in marriage--my opinion of it shifts day to day. Some of my reticence is superficial (don't want to plan a wedding/even a reception, hate being center of attention, don't want to change my name), some comes from fears that have sat in the pit of my stomach for years; fears from my own parent's divorce, and further tales of infidelity, witness to loveless, sexless arrangements where you feel how trapped they are.
Over time (and talks with married/unmarried friends) I came to the conclusion that marriage was whatever I made of it, and that I couldn't compare what my marriage to Zach would be like based on any other couple I see. I also couldn't apply the same perceptions or ideas of marriage to us, as say, a Catholic couple. But I'm still having a difficult time seeing the point of it, because as far as I'm concerned, Zach is my one and only, my other half, my best friend, who I plan to be with as long as we are on the same path. But I put no pressure on ourselves to say that we MUST be together for ETERNITY. It's romantic, sure, but not in sync with the philosophy of living one day at a time which I try my best to do. There will always be implicit, unspoken expectations we have of each other to stay faithful. We share the same accounts and insurance policies as we do boxer shorts and a bed, our lives are as intertwined as they can get, especially with a kid. And when it's gotten rocky, we've gone through the ugliness because we still loved each other, and came out stronger in the end. What difference will a certificate and ring make to that?
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How would I define marriage then?
I cannot or will not define it by the religious or state (which is apparently one and the same now, ahem, Prop H8) definition. I do not see myself as chattel being given to man. What I can see it as, is a symbol of faith, faith in one another. I do not want you to make promises to me. I want to have faith in that we will be together, we will love and support one another, share our dreams and fears, laugh and cry in each other's arms...for today. And that's all that matters.
I am still undecided on the matter, and on another note, I kind of feel like an idiot that I'm even worrying about this (ok, not worrying, just debating) when there are thousands of people in this country who WANT to, are FIGHTING for the right to get married. They want to believe in a right to love that is equal to all human beings. Fuck semantics and slippery slope arguments that come from fear of others and fear of self. Oy, I can't even get into this right now because it seriously makes my blood boil and it's 10:30 and I'm exhausted. If anyone would like to enlighten me with their opinions of marriage, civil unions, relationships, etc...they would be most welcome.
-A
*the wedding was very sweet--low-key, relaxed, outside potluck in the park, happy pregnant bride in sandals and a beautiful dress...it was lovely
2 comments:
Last night I read someone's blog. One of their entries sported this title: "God Wins in California on November 4th, 2008." After throwing up a little in my mouth, I read on.
It was the same ole fear mongering, "sacrilegious violation" argument erupting from hearts, minds, and mouths of so many so-called God-fearin', Leviticus quoting Christians. It was a veritable regurgitation of a very human-driven, albeit highly misguided response to being faced with something of this world that falls outside of their ability to understand and accept. I want to scream and cry, simultaneous, when I read sh*t like that. =(
On a lighter note, congrats on your recent marriage, A. ;-)
Wow, that makes me incredibly sad. Especially for the children who are growing up in homes that are inculcating them within this paradigm of hatred and fear. Many people react to the unknown in very extreme ways. I guess all we can do it lead by example and show love and compassion toward those even those who are ignorant or sick.
Thanks for the congrats :) Isn't it funny where we can end up just one year later?
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