Sister: The biggest spider I have ever seen is in the bathtub.
Me: And you want me to kill it?
Sister: (nods)
Me: Are you crazy? I don't kill spiders, Zach does. Go ask Mommy.
Sister: She said to have Zoe take care of it. But I think this spider could kill her.
(Pause) The dialogue continues in the same vein of who will take care of the spider--various combinations of Raid/running water/Adeline's dirty diaper/dog/hand grenade are discussed. I get out of bed and peer into the tub.
Me: HOLY SHIT! That thing's the size of a Buick (blatant Annie Hall reference). I guess you're taking a shower in Mommy's bathroom this morning.
Sister: (furrows brow) What, we're just leaving it in there? Like a pet? The bathtub is his territory now?
Addie and I go lay down on the couch in the living room and await sister's verdict. She beseeches our mother again, who matter-of-factly gets out of bed (she cannot understand our freaked out state), and walks into the bathroom.
Mom: (nonchalant) Where is it? (a ridiculous question) Oh...
From my sister's account, my mother grabs a few squares of toilet paper, steps INTO the tub with King Arachnid, squishes him (with practically her bare hands), and throws the carcass in the trash can. My sister comes out with a look of awe and disgust on her face.
Me: Are you sure it's dead?
Sister: (in hushed voice) Yeah...you could see it's guts...she barely used any toilet....
Me: ...bleeding through the toilet paper?
Sister: (in increasing horror) ....which means she has...spider guts on her hand.... I put Addie's dirty diaper on top of it.
Me: Well, that should take care of him then.
Sister: (shudders) Yeah.
End Scene.
1 comment:
A very funny narrative, Ariel. Boo's reaction is so Boo!
Your mother has become quite the hunter in the absence of a man around the house. By necessity, it seems, yet impressive killer ways she has developed.
Someday you two will have to become more independent in managing invading home creatures (rats are out there too).
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