What's In A Name?

Although we have yet to get our hands on Addie's birth certificate, Zach and I have decided to legally change her name. We wanted to do it now so she never knew her original middle name confused many people into thinking it was "Nada", as in "none", or her Japanese counterparts didn't think of farts when they heard Nara---so very close to "o-nara" (which yes, means fart). Truth was, we didn't prepare her name very well in the first place. Sure, there were hundreds of options, potentials that Zach vetoed right off the bat. "Sounds like cheese." "No way, there was a girl in school with that name and she was a snobby bitch." Adeline was the one completely random name he didn't hate--when I suggested it, he paused for a moment thinking about it, and said, "Yeah, Adeline. That's pretty." And that was that.

I may be o-Nara-ing right now.

Given we waited to find out the sex of the kid until he/she was born, we never fully settled on a full name to give either boy or girl. We liked Jack for a boy. Addie for a girl. And we figured the middle names should be Japanese to reflect her background and give her relatives a fighting chance at speaking or referring to her. "Adeline" would be be pronounced "Ade-lai-ee-nu"--long and clunky to say the least, so it was shortened to "Ade-chan". Zach liked the name Nara because it was close to Inara (a character from Firefly, who, um, happened to be a high-class escort), and it meant "oak tree" in Japanese. We ignored the fact that it was confusing to pronounce in English with the rolling "r", so people would respond, "Nala? Nada?", whenever we informed them of her full name. It's become awkward. Plus, none of our family seem too fond of it, even the Japanese side, because Nara is still a weird name to give your kid in Japan...like naming your kid Apple or Zuma Nesta Rock (erm...sorry, Gwen).

In addition to the whole awkward-middle-name-fiasco, there is the issue of her last name. It's Zach's, which is great. I love the sound of his last name, and it obviously reflects that she is his daughter. But what about the person who carried her around in her body for nine months and gave birth to her? Where am I? Maybe it's narcissistic and self-centered, but it feels strange to have my child bear no name-relation to me. The whole taking your husband's name issue is very touchy for me. There's the feminist/political stance of doing away with the sexist tradition of being passed down from father to husband by assuming husband's name, but that isn't really the main reason I want to keep my name. I like my name. I like my family. It's who I've been for twenty five years. It's probably going to die out with my sister and I because we are women and don't get to pass it down to our children (yes, we have many cousins who will pass the Johnson name down, but still...).

Would a Johnson be a Johnson by any other name?

Plus, it's 2009. Why is it such a preposterous idea for the man to take the woman's last name instead? When I asked Zach if he would change his name to Zachary Johnson, he said "Um...no", and I said, "Exactly." Call me a femi-nazi (god, I hate that phrase) but if changing a woman's name that she's identified herself by her whole life isn't a big deal, than why should it be a big deal for a man to do the same? Luckily, Zach is an evolved man (heh) and has no issue with me keeping my name if we ever get married. I like many traditions, but this is one I can't get behind...personally. And that's what it is, a deeply personal issue. Some women don't think twice or invest a lot of energy into it, happily changing their names to their husband's. Many don't believe a name is what defines them, while others think sharing one family name makes them a stronger unit. I've read women say that they never felt a close tie to their maiden name because they hated or never knew their father, and gladly shed their old identities for new ones. Or it's an aesthetic issue. If your last name was unfortunate sounding and your husband has a much cooler one, why the hell not?

You could even switch BOTH man and woman's last names to a hyphenated double last name (gasp! they're on equal footing!). There is keeping one's maiden name professionally and taking your husband's last name personally. So many different choices, which is awesome, because that's what being a women today is all about--having a CHOICE. The choices become stickier when you have a kid, however. What name do you give your child? I automatically assumed Addie would have Zach's last name, which is funny since I was so conflicted about whether or not to keep mine. It was a situation where Zach cared more about it than I did, so I said that's fine, she can have your last name. After she was born, I was kind of sad that I didn't think about it more.

Now, we have the chance to change things and I think I'm happy with our decision (which isn't 100% sure quite yet). We absolutely don't want to stick her with the dreaded hyphenated last name (PERSONALLY. totally cool if other's do it)--it just makes it complicated and confusing and annoying to spell out so many letters every time you write it down or tell someone the spelling. So we're going to make Johnson her second middle name. I kind of thought second middle names were semi-pretentious, with no basis or evidence of why that was, but my dad just informed me that giving two middle names is very common is other countries. Hell, FIVE middle names is common is some places. This way, her middle name reflects my side of the family, but she won't have to write Adeline Johnson-Pereyo on every homework assignment and forms throughout her life. Happy compromise, no? As for Nara, we have no familial or personal connection with this name. I was thinking Helen, to honor Zach's maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother; both women died young, hailed from Washington, and unfortunately were never able to meet their grandchildren or great-grandchildren. It seems we'll be saving that name for another hypothetical child since Zach suggested Josephine (a name I love and associate with Jo from Little Women), after his father's middle name, Joseph. Another happy compromise, I think.

Grandma Helen McCormick Johnson

So pretty soon, our little girl shall be known as Adeline Josephine Johnson Pereyo. I think it sounds better to the ear to switch Johnson and Pereyo, but we pick our battles... ;) And if she decides when she's sixteen that she doesn't identify with her name and wants to change it to Rainbow Samurai Valentine? That's fine too.