Second rule of road trips with kids: There are no rules on road trips with kids.*
That means access to all forms of junk food, fast food included, unlimited hours of watching Dora and Olivia in the car, and random nap/bedtimes.
Less than 48 hours later and we are miraculously alive.
Let's just give a breakdown of what's happened so far.
November 10-11:
1:00pm: We are supposed to be leaving the house to avoid Bay Area traffic.
3:15pm: We leave the house.
4:30pm: We hit Bay Area traffic. A round of meltdowns for everyone, please! First stop of the trip.
7:30pm: Addie throws up the entire contents of her stomach all over herself. We stop at a Denny's to get cleaned up and eat the most mediocre iceberg salad ever to exist on this planet. We begin the doubt the value of this trip.
8:30pm-1am: Children blissfully sleep. Too tired to continue driving, we stop at a Motel 6 three hours south of Portland. Zoe somehow slips past Zach and escapes the hotel room, prompting Zach to sprint down the hallways in his boxer shorts until he finds her on the clerk's lap in the hotel lobby.
1am-7am: With the pent-up energy of a 10-hour drive and 4-hour nap, Addie cries, kicks, and screams to go the park for six straight hours in the hotel room. The adults do not get a single minute of sleep. Louie, because he has magical powers, sleeps through the entire demonic episode. We begin to doubt the value of having children.
8am: We embark for Portland. Children thankfully sleep most of the drive, but not without a couple stops for poop-up-the-back situations. My eye starts to twitch.
Noon: We arrive in Portland. I feel like the Pilgrims did upon seeing Plymouth Rock.
Life resumes.
To be continued!
*Of course, that's only if you ignore the first rule.
